Scales of Crazy

I was always an all or nothing kind of girl. I’ll give you 200% or nothing at all. Very little in between. Same with my weight loss strategies. I’d go full tilt boogie on whatever plan I’m following then as soon as I fall off the wagon it’s over.

I’ve been very much the same with weighing myself. I would get obsessive and tie so much joy or anger to those numbers. I would weigh myself, eat a Triscut, and quickly weigh myself again. Every movement brought an emotion and it was largely not good for me.

When I had RNY Gastric Bypass I decided that I was only going to weigh myself at the doctors office. I wasn’t going to obsess about the numbers I was going to base everything on how I felt, how my clothes fit, and if I was following the plan. That was going to be my definition of success.

This worked for the first year because I went to follow up visits after a couple of weeks and then every few months. But the longer the stretch was in between it was getting harder to wait for my weight.

I had to do it. I had to buy a scale. I was really afraid. I didn’t want to obsess. I didn’t want to get upset. I just know that for 30 years I pinned my worth, my self esteem, my happiness or sadness on those three digits and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. Could I responsibly weigh myself and not go crazy…like Triscut Crazy?

My husband and I picked out the FitBit Aria since it syncs with our FitBits. At first I was so scared. I liked that it calculates my weight as well as my body fat percentage. It stores and charts my weight as well.

At first my fear kept me from weighing in. But after a few days I did it again. Gained 1/2 pound but lost 3.8% in body fat. I didn’t die. I didn’t obsess. I decided that I’ll weigh myself every other day for a progress check just to keep me focused. The scale as a means of accountability not stress nor obsession.

Three little digits that had the power to rule me…. It’s over. It reminded me of this sign posted on this simple yellow wall and for the first time I truly believe it.